thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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