our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
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