Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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