exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
