I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
