Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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