have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
