look no pants
My underwear smells like fireworks.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
