So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Randomize
