you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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