i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
