one might say we're banned from that church
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
