She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
