when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
