Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
