Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize