Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
