dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i drank out of a bidet.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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