Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
