they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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