You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
