C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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