do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
