glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The adults are the big ones right?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize