Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
