hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
