God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
