Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
