my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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