I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Randomize