I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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