So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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