just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
