I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
