god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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