can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
