I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
