Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize