You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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