Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
