summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
