Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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