I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
MIDGETS
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