So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
