I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
