Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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