i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
