check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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