When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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