you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
