and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
