Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
