please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
