A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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