i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
