No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Help. Why am I so naked?
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