Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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