question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
