Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
