I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize