remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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