Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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