I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
